Aribi's Tale: Part 2 (The Bard's Tail)

Composed after their second group adventure, by Aribi Bibi Bumpus. Performed in the Correlio Estate in Stradesberry.

Hello all my friends, settle right down
I’m here to tell you a story about cats in a town
I know it sounds silly
But trust me it’s really
Quite crazy, and it starts with a crown.

You see, most humans make kings
Of their lands and people and things
And so like us, cats
And their enemies, rats
Have a ruler this moment presiding

Our party was sitting right here
Having a meal and a beer
When a tabby jumped up
Almost knocked over my cup
And beckoned us to follow him near.

And “How?” you will ask
While the bartender pours from his cask
Did you know what the cat wanted to say?
So I’ll tell you, good sirs,
Instead of meowings and purrs
He spoke common, plain as day.

So followed we did
The queer kitten amid
The city to a cat consul so large
And inside the room
Was a feeling of doom
As the lead cat gave us our charge

“You stalwart three,
A problem, you see:
Our king has vanished flat out.
He was here just last week
So it’s he you shall seek
And we’ll reward you with a decent payout.”

Never ignore those in need,
Or anyone who pays fees
Is the old adventurer’s saying.
So after brief interviews
And some allergic achoos,
We started our search for the king

The first top came that night
In the evening lamp light
When we talked to a mystic most wise
She read our good fortune
And when we’d all four done,
She showed us the way to our prize

The very first stop on the way
Was the Worg Lord to his dismay
We asked him some questions
But he clearly was vested
In us buggering off out of his way.

Next on our route was the Rat Boss’s place
We weren’t sure what to expect
But before we could get there
Our ranger, the dear
Was the subject of the greatest disgrace

You see two coppers
With manners improper
Did stop and try to detain
Our innocent half-orc
And claim he did murder
Some dude I don’t know, what a pain

But the brilliant bard you do see
Up on this stage (yes, it’s me)
Had a brilliant conceit
And showed a reciept
And thereby Fantasy Costo kept him free.

The police at our backs we went on
To see the Rat Boss and her terrible spawn
We found them all gathered
In the most beaten and battered
Gross apartment you’ve ever laid eyes on.

There, the terrible rat queen
Spun some lies to put us between
The Stinkot Crew
But whatever they do
It’s relevance remained to be seen.

A bit of a goose chase
Sent us to Stinkrot Crew’s base
And nothing there did we encounter.
So we turned tail and went
Our patience nearly spent
To the last clue given us by th’enchanter

So off we did go
To see Gazimoff’s show
And maybe check out some rides
To our rogue’s utter dismay
There weren’t hours in the day
To scramble up all her insides

We saw a giant beast made of clockwork
And a goblin whose costume made quick work
Of our rogue’s sense of trust
And our mission was bust
Because no one would say where their boss lurked.

After some serious sleuthing
And a bit of lying through toothing
We found out the gnome was at home
So once again we did travel
As our patience unraveled
Honestly, we’d rather be vermouthing

So the next bit is hazy
Because your bard her is lazy
But there was something here with a shrub
And if you ask about it
I’ll tell you to shove it
It’s none of your business, bub

Anyway, inside we found
The king just sitting around
Granted he was tied to a desk
And around him did rest
Gazimoff and the rat boss going to town

Then the rat boss showed up
There was quite the dust up
All of us doing our best
We all took our swings
At rats, shape shifters and kings
But in the end we wound up on top

Turns out our cat guide was a dick
For the king’s kidnapping was a trick
He wanted the power
And my grapes are quite sour
Because he got away, that little prick

So the cat king is back on his throne
And the Rat Boss and her rats went limping back home
The Worgs helped us I guess
But I cannot enough stress
How wonderfully your bard did perform

I know you’re getting bored
But I haven’t told you the award
We got from the king and his captor dingus
We squeezed out of that gnome
For not burning down his home
A lifetime admittance to his circus

So my audience thank you for your ears
You’ve been lovely, so lift up your beers
There’s more to be done
The battle’s not won
But tonight we celebrate with a cheers

Aribi's Tale: Part 2 (The Bard's Tail)

Lack Of Initiative soetzufit soetzufit